Celebrity obsessions do not lead to good dates

So first I should warn you I am OBSESSED with celebrities. I read US Weekly every day while my coworkers are checking the Wall Street Journal and yahoo finance, I have every episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians on my DVR, and I'm still convinced that if I got the chance to meet Britney we would become instant BFFs or at least facebook friends.

So with that said...I was out one Saturday night at Southern Hospitality (okay, I actually was eating pizza across from Southern Hospitality, but close enough) when I noticed this guy and his friend looking at me and my friends. No contact was made during the pizza housing (we had priorities) but as we were leaving they started talking to us. I can't remember the exact events but somehow it came up that he worked for the NYPD and did security for Justin Timberlake and was working at the VMAs the next night. He promised he'd be able to get me into the show so of course I gave him my number and told him to call me without bothering to get any other details about him.

So the next night I'm supposed to meet up with him at this restaurant that he's part owner of so I show up at 7:35 (not bad for a 7:30 date) and he texts that he's running late but the manager is expecting me so just to go in. So I wait at the table for AN HOUR, while he keeps saying he's almost there (clearly I would have left if not for the thought of seeing Britney and Taylor Swift in a couple hours) and when he finally shows up he says he hit a car (seriously) on the way down so that's what took so long. Strike 1- you're an hour late. Strike 2- you're a bad driver. Luckily for him dinner is awesome and the homemade guacamole gets him out of the doghouse a little bit. We finish dinner and head over to Radio City where I expect we will waltz on up to the door and take our seat next to the celebrity of my choosing. Almost. The crowd goes back about 5 blocks and we meet up with another couple, and he leaves us to try to work his NYPD magic. We're there for ANOTHER HOUR but he keeps texting with updates making it sound like he's thiiiiis close to getting us in. The good news is the other girl I'm waiting with was a rockette so in my own mind, I can say I saw a celebrity...

Eventually we make it past round 1 of security and get to be right outside of radio city but not INSIDE where the beautiful people are. However 2 eventful things did happen:
1) Jay Z pulled up in his mayback (or something like that, I don't know but the guys were excited) and opened his window literally 2 feet in front of my face so I snapped a quick paparazzi pic before he closed it and zoomed off, probalby wondering who the creep taking pics through the window was.
2) Mark from So You Think You Can Dance season 4 walked out of the door I was standing next to and in my excitment I screamed "Oh my god, you were on Dancing with the stars right? I love you!" and he looked at me like I was a little crazy and said "no, actually so you think you can dance, but thanks" and ran off before I could explain that I really really did know he was.

Okay, so we wait through the entire show, the three of us on the outside and him on the inside claiming he was "looking for passes" so there's strike 3- not delivering on the promise of finding me celebrities. So most normal people would cut their losses after strike 3, but no, not me, I will power on and see if things get better from here! So to make up for the lack of celebrities NYPD guy says he will take me out for a drink to make up for it. No need to rehash the entire conversation but I find out that he is divorced and is the father to 2 children, the oldest whom is 16. Now I've tried to be open minded up til this point, but I am far closer to this guy's kid's age than his (I think he's 37 or something) so strike 4- eww that's just weird.

Between the strikes and the fact that it's now 1am on a Sunday and I generally go to sleep at 10, I say I'm ready to go home. As the perfect end to the perfect evening he loads me in his cop car, turns the siren on, and proceeds to drive me home via central park which is closed and entirely illegal.

End bad date #1.