Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

I love my work girls, and I like going out, so last winter when one of my friends from work said she was going to a bar to hang out with her friend who was DJing I of course said I wanted to tag along. When we walked in I remember thinking the bartender was cute in a shaved head, thuggish, little, older guy kinda way. I just didn't realize to what extent this first impression was true...

It was just me and my friend and she did a good job of running back and forth between the dj booth and the bar, but I still spent a decent amount of time by myself at the bar. So the bartender befriended me by way of good conversation and free drinks so when he asked for my number at the end of the night I thought what the heck? He was in his late 30s which was a litle older than I like but I figured I'd make an exception since he'd basically covered my entire bar tab for the night and I was still trying out this whole being single thing.

So we agreed to go out like a week later and I was supposed to meet him on the corner in union square. For those of you not familiar with new york there isn't a single corner in union square where there will ever be less than 20 people standing on it at a time. So embarassing moment number #1: I didn't recognize him. He had to literally walk all the way over to me as I stared at him and reintroduce himself before I was sure it was him. Why didn't I recognize him? Cuz he was probably 5'4". Apparently the area behind the bar was raised so while I thought he was a good 6 inches taller than me, turns out he was basically standing on a 10 inch step the entire night.

Embarrasing/uncomfortable moment #2: He starts going off on astrology stuff for at least 30 minutes and I think all that stuff is such BS that I couldn't even fake an interest in it. He started trying to diagnose my dad based on his sign and just kept saying stuff that was 100% opposite of my dad and I couldn't even be nice and pretend like he was close. I think this bruised his ego a little bit cuz then he launched into his film credits which obviously redeemed him in my eyes cuz I am shallow when it comes to anything celeb related. Turns out he's been on Law and Order, The Wire, and NYPD Blue, every time playing super complex characters like "hitman #1" or "running thug". This should give you some clue as to what he looked like...

Embarrasing moment #3/final straw: We get to talking about the age difference and he goes "So I have to admit I sort of lied to you last week" And I'm like "ummm okay, well you never told me exactly how old you were so I know you're in your late 30s..." and he replies "well, yeah, I'm actually not in my 30s anymore, I turned 40 a few months ago". Now I realize that the difference from 39 to 40 really isn't that big but the thought of telling my mom "hey, let me introduce you to my 40 year old boyfriend" just didn't fly. So I pulled the old "oh wow, it's almost 10??? Waaaaay past my bedtime, I gotta go home!" and that was the last of my 40 year old, typecast thug, dating experience.